Duality
With protests erupting on a daily basis around the topic of COVID-19 restrictions, it is no longer the case to wait for the season of political campaigns to sense and experience a prevalent surge of divergence of opinions and beliefs, delivered in an overwhelmingly outspoken manner. Either by gathering voices and taking to the streets or by posting, sharing, and arguing on social media, every group wants their collective needs and convictions heard and the lesser the people on the other side get, the better. The intensification of “that is too radical” or “we have been forgotten”, “nothing has really changed over the past four years”, “where are our human rights?”, “who will care for our planet?”, “who will take care of us when we get old?”, and “oh, this is not normal - we want our country back” exposes copious contrasts of our human conditions and the hidden joy of not being in a perfect world and not being constantly pleased by external factors. The ongoing pandemic has done little to build a bridge but augmented the gulf among citizens and incited discords to perdure. We want the fully vaccinated individuals here and anti-vaxxers over there, please, and keep in mind the minimum distance of 1.5 meters. Everyone can choose between wearing a mask or opting for one’s freedom. Either way, one will be judged and criticized by the opposing observers.
This blog post invites its readers to recognize the enrichment of all contrasts that have been gathered in our human experience and ultimately, to see that there is no need to explain, fight or defend upon conversing with interlocutors who may have been observing the world differently, and to do so with unconditional love and the silent power of understanding and acceptance.
Before coming to term with duality perceived in the external environment, it can be enlightening to dissect the topic from the world within. How often the inner push and pull takes place as well as the extent it reaches may surprise us; for example, knowing what we want and stubbornly holding onto the observation of the temporary absence or the not-yet realization of what is wanted; wondering whether to work for money or taking a leap of faith to do what one loves; thriving for a balance of serving, helping others, working, having a family, and concurrently having enough “me-time” to rest, rejuvenate, enjoy oneself, and fulfill one’s own aspirations. The list is of course non-exhaustive. Everyone knows what their personal inner push and pull is and eventually acquiesces that by knowing what we do not want, we know what we want and that every subject almost always offers two perspectives. How exciting it is to find ourselves being exposed to a variety of experience and preferences along our learning journey and having to find a way to be open to take it all in, bite-size, and segment by segment.
But what to do with the things we do not want? Similar to finding yourself at a smorgasbord, seeing an abundant array of what to eat and drink and knowing what you want to enjoy while respecting others for wanting different dishes. The item that we dislike do not have to be taken off the menu and we do not have to feel so put-off by the person sitting at the same table picking what is available at the buffet that we do not want for ourselves.
I believe that each of us participates in this space and time reality having a specific quest and certain needs in order to live and experience life in its totality, and to do so in our OWN way. Even though we are wholeheartedly convinced that our favorite item from the buffet is the best, the tastiest, and the most nutritious dish that is backed by research, our own beliefs, health experts, chefs or food bloggers and that everyone should follow suit and do the right thing, we do not know what others truly need for their own evolution, regardless how well we know them. Only when we are asked should we kindly share our thoughts or offer words of advice.
What about “difficult” people? “How can I interact with those who do not agree with me?” you may ask. Children are taught in terms of who they are in relation to others during their formative years. Parents commenting on and using people crossing the street when the light is red to teach their little ones not to do so. Instead of telling children what is right or wrong, we could consider giving them options to think as well as allowing them to form their own opinions and letting them know that there is room for tolerance and exceptions (in cases that no other (human) beings are endangered); for instance, “this person decides to cross the street when the light is red after checking their surroundings - maybe they have somewhere important to be right this minute.” Teaching understanding is one of the most valuable gifts that children can receive because if one would rather choose the best way to save time and energy at each turn, having and raising kids could resemble an arduous journey.
Not only do children receive constant inputs regarding social and cultural decorum and instructions of what is morally right or wrong, they also happen to pick up on the fact that they will be rewarded for pleasing their parents, teachers, and the ones in charge. The inclination to please the adults will one day turn into the demand to be pleased, which goes roughly like this “You need to stop doing things the way you do, treating me the way you do, thinking that way, behaving in that manner, voting for that political party, practicing that kind of religion, dressing the way you do, and being the way you are. You need to change, be careful around me because I am sensitive. Pay more attention to my feelings, respect me more, and finally, we must agree on all subjects so that I can be HAPPY. I know there is still a long way to go but I am willing to reason and argue until we are on the same page.” The condition to feel good only when others say the things we want to hear and conduct themselves in a way that we want to see often leads to disappointment. The power placed outwards always wobbles more than the one that resides within.
When someone or a situation gets to dictate our feelings and the way we would respond, is it then not slavery? Why giving our power away?
Some entertain the idea of encouraging people to change without being aware of the fact that changing others is a futile attempt. Hoping for anyone to deviate from their nature is one of the most tenuous hopes there is. No one can shoulder your bliss, joy, serenity, and the continuous flow of well-being. It is not anyone’s job to help you feel satisfied and content except yours and yours alone.
The ability to tap into one’s inner power conflates the path of contentment and confidence, in which one minds about one’s own business while letting others live as they please and having the ease of mind in knowing that humanity is not broken, and that nature and its evolution will work everything out. The moment one can let go and has no need to fix, fight or defend, the restlessness from being bothered by how others think or behave will soon diminish. A neutral state of mind can teach us that multifacetedness in ways of thinking and living enriches our learning and growing journey just as much as the way antonyms and synonyms enrich our vocabulary. The duality in the external world represents itself in the divergence of believe systems. For 7.9 billion people to be conditionally happy, each of these 7.9 billion individuals would need their very own political party as well as religion and a set of “You shall” or “You shall not”. Then we shall see that not everyone has to fit in our system in order for us to be ok. Being overly attached to one’s ideals and demanding to understand before accepting the rationales coming from the opposing side often make each conversational exchange feel like a personal attack.
Do we not have a choice as to whether we have ideas or let ideas have us? Does “what we are not” not give us more clarity as far as the discovery of the self is concerned?
If I have never experienced polluted air, how do I know how much nature means to me?
How do we know to strive for love if hatred was totally unknown to us?
Would the word “feminism” exist if there was no such thing as “misogyny”?
Would “tolerance” be needed if “xenophobia” did not have its place in the dictionary?
Left needs right to be left. Light needs darkness to be discerned as light. Just as much as I need you to be you so that I can be me. Duality is unity. If it were not how it is, we would not be who we are. By being the extension of creation, we are one - equally divine, free, powerful, special, and eternal; thus, having different opinions does not have to be the reason for us not to like one another. Wake up, folks. We are in a deep dream, playing each other’s nemesis and by means of having rehearsed our social roles for as long as we remember, we lose sight of who we truly are, each other’s loving brother and sister.
Political scenes often render an illusion that we must be for and against something, not just within one nation but also on a global scale. Discords and contentions among USA, China, Russia, and Europe are not a foreign topic. On the surface of reality, there are always conflicts to work out and there is an impression that these powers can never get along. They cannot, however, get rid of or successfully suppress one another, for economically and environmentally speaking, they heavily rely on each other. So, what all this fuss is all about? Nobody knows. Life sure would be colorless without a teaspoon of drama, excitement, tension, and a cup of “Roaaar, I’m going to get you!”
Carl Jung’s observation of swans reveals what we and the elegant animals have in common - sometimes we forget what we set out to do. Jung shared his discovery with Alan Watts as the two philosophers marveled at the swans on the lake, “there’s a funny thing about their mating for the first time. They invariably begin by picking a fight until they discover what they are supposed to be doing.” This goes to say that underneath opposition, there is love and goodwill.
The swans, as mentioned above, stop fighting because they suddenly see no point of doing so. If everyone knew how unprofitable the act of arguing is, there would be no more debate shows. Nobody is wrong in explaining and arguing about how they see the world, for you see the world as you are and can therefore never obtain an objective view of it. In other words, due to one’s predispositions, an individual cannot see the world for what it really is, entirely pure, impartial, and unsaturated. Since an individual is the cultural product of their own environment, that person and their world are in an insoluble bind, not a painful one but a comfortable one - from knowing that they can never be mistaken about how the world should be. Should anyone or an entity contravene the principles of this individual, the impulse to preach, then to defend and the desire to save and fix their environment are bound to occur.
If you and I are sitting across from each other and not seeing eye to eye on a subject matter, it is simply because your right [hand] is not my right [one].
It is a pointless venture to appear diplomatic by trying to listen just to be acknowledged as a good and respectful listener (while suppressing the urge to jump the gun and interrupt the interlocutor), to then summarize the point of the other (it is a conventional and beloved conversational tactic), to finally sugarcoat one’s argument with: “Ok, so I have listened to your point of view. Could I share with you what I think (so that I can get it off my chest)?” At the end of the conversation, one walks away with less energy, little understanding, no victory in winning the other over but at least with payoff in knowing that the other does not win either. Congratulations, we have all achieved a whole lot of absolutely nothing except a modicum of slight agitation towards the other person (forever?).
The world is rich, abundant, and aesthetically messy. The ramification of convictions due to a vast variety of upbringing, backgrounds, and life decisions are the origin of desires and the root of clarity; together, they nudge us, one step at a time, to become more grounded as we expand as a collective and courageously represent the unfathomable beauty of diversity. The electromagnetic source of creation is immeasurable that it needs each of us to be one of its unique expressions and multifaceted points of attraction.
The world is not perfect, yet it is fine with not being perfect. If this space and time dimension were flawless, it would not need creators, healers, thinkers, believers or dreamers alike. Ruminating on how the world is a stygian place and humanity is going downhill only invites more evidence of the broken world to show out in one’s version of reality. We are not here for what is or for what has already been created, but for the CreatING. We are not here to regurgitate old news we tell about ourselves or our past but to turn the page and write how we want the rest of the story to be. There is no one and nothing to blame. We did not choose to participate in this human experience by sitting back and passively enjoying the ride, for we would rather do the driving ourselves. We want to get our hands dirty to mold and shape the presentation of our journey. We are in total control as to creating and experiencing all the contrasts that define and drive our desires.
Serenity is attained by feeling undisturbed sharing our space with people whose beliefs and perspectives differ from ours without wanting to change or get rid of them. A neutral state of mind brings about the acknowledgement that a world devoid of opposing ideas equates with the effacement of one’s own identity and existence.
Like mountains jutting out of the earth and droplets of water harmonizing with each other to form an oceanic symphony, we hold the power of universal creation within. The clarity of individuality does not have to make us forget that being products of the Big Bang, the human race is one entity after all. Diversity that can be perceived by the physical senses can be regarded as the garments that we wear. The more we can give others a break and focus on making our feelings and our state of well-being a priority, the more benefits the collective consciousness receives. So, for as long as no pain or suffering is inflicted upon a being, there is no absolute right or wrong.
Let us take a radical measure. Democrats, go grab a tea with your fellow Republicans. Vegetarians and vegans, enjoy your tofu cashew coconut curry while your fellow omnivores relish their braised lamb shanks. Right extremists, take a walk with your liberal counterparts. Atheists, build a long table for your religious friends. And do not speak words of division. If there is nothing to talk about, just look at each other with a smile and honor the equal divinity that we all share. Such act is worth a thousand words.
